Program yourself for Success with Positive Self-talk
Everyday, thousands of thoughts cruise through our mind. We can constantly hear chatter in our mind, where we talk to ourselves. You can find yourself having these 'self-talks' inside your mind before making a presentation, while meeting someone new, while looking into the mirror, while preparing for a test, while being in a group - the list is endless.
Power of self-talk
These self-talks have the power of making or breaking our personality - it influences us every waking moment, and creates our self-image. If the self-talk is positive and encouraging - "I can do it!" - then it will instantly energize you. But a negative self-talk - "I am so fat" - can undermine your confidence and weaken you from the inside.
Imagine someone giving you a compliment. How does it make you feel? Elated? Happy? Good? Now imagine the same person criticizing you. How does that make you feel? Rejected? Unworthy? Hurt? Now think about someone encouraging you to do something, vs. someone telling you "You can't do it". When someone tells you, "I trust you, you will do it," it makes you feel as though you can do it. But if you are told that you cannot do it, then immediately you begin doubting yourself and probably won't live up to the mark.
It is the same with self-talk. If you constantly tell yourself how ugly / fat / worthless / careless / hopeless you are, then it wouldn't be long before you become just that. But on the other hand, if you tell yourself you are intelligent / hardworking / early-rising / caring / confident, then you will soon find that you become that, too. In some ways negative self-talk is worse than negative input from others, because in the case of others trying to get you down, you can always choose to not be affected, but in the case of yourself trying to bring you down, your sub-conscious accepts it as the ultimate truth and stops fighting.
Developing a positive self-talk
This is an activity intended at helping you identify the potential pitfalls in your 'self-talk' and correct them. It would require conscious practice for a while before you get it right, but it is still powerful enough to start making positive changes within you from the time you first try it.
Step 1
As a first step in this activity, think about your average daily routine. Which are the times that you feel depressed? Which are the chores you just hate? Which are the things that make you feel negative? Those are the most probable times when you would be having a negative self-talk.
For example, if looking in the mirror makes you feel depressed, you may be telling yourself "I am too fat and ugly". Or, if washing the dishes is something you try to avoid, you may be telling yourself "I hate washing dishes. It is such a chore!". If waiting in a queue makes you feel annoyed, you could very well be saying "Won't this queue ever end? I will never make it to the office on time."
Step 2
Now that you know where your self-talk gets negative, you can start countering it. How?
The second step of this activity is to make a list with three columns. In the first column, write the situation. In the second, write the negative self-talk. Now, find a positive self-talk replacement for each negative statement. Write this new self-talk in the third column. It can be a positive affirmation or an action statement which will help you overcome any limitations.
For example, in our mirror scenario, you could replace "I am too fat and ugly" with something along the lines of "I should take up exercising. I shall join the gym this weekend. It will make the trim and fit girl within me come right out! And then I will be just as beautiful on the outside as on the inside." You can also add stuff like "Thank God for my beautiful eyes!" to this. In our dishwashing example, a good replacement would be "I am going to wash these so good that they sparkle! Let us prove that I am indeed the best housekeeper on the planet" or "I love it when the dishes are all cleaned up! Better get to it right away." If the queues bug you, you could tell yourself "I am going to get innovative and find ways to make the best use of this time. If I learn just a couple of words in a new language each day when I wait in the queue, I will soon be fluent in it! And the longer the queue, the more words I learn. Now, which language should I take up?" If you are meeting new people and find yourself getting uncomfortable, tell yourself "They are as scared of meeting me as I am of them. I am happy, confident and comfortable. This is an opportunity to make friends!"
With a little creativity, you can turn just about any negative self-talk to positive ones.
Step 3
Now, off to the third step. Now that you know when you have negative self-talk and what to replace it with, you need to set up reminders. These are to help you actually do the replacing. You could probably write small notes in post-its and place it where the negative self-talk usually haunts you. It could be simple statements like "Watch the talk!" or small reminders of your replacement talk, like "sparkling dishes nobel winner!" etc. You could also use other props to help you. For example, keep a small pocket dictionary of a new language with you in a queue, to implement the positive self-talk. Get creative, and find reminders that work best for you.
Step 4
As a last step, put these new positive self-talks to practice! Whenever you find yourself having negative self-talks, consciously stop the talk and replace it with the most positive phrase you can use in the situation. Use the reminders to help you do just that. After a while, you will outgrow the reminders and positive self-talks become natural to you in situations where you previously suffered from negativity.
One thing to remember is, your positive talk should be just that - positive. Telling yourself "I am not scared" is not interpreted as a positive statement by your sub-conscious mind. In stead, use "I am confident and at ease."
With practice, you will soon find yourself having a happy frame of mind any where, any time! Your quality of life will improve, and so will your self-steem. Enjoy!
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