Forgiveness - the magic key to fulfillment
When I was in school, there was a bully in our class. He always made hurtful comments about everyone including me. I was a very sensitive child, and often felt pained by his words. Soon, I reached a point where I would avoid him whenever possible.
Years went by and I was in college. We used to have reunions of our schoolmates, and this guy would show up. He had changed a lot and become much nicer. I was polite to him and didn’t avoid him anymore. But I always kept a distance, because I never quite forgave him for his comments. Then one day, I got a phone call from another school friend of mine. She told me news that really shocked me – the boy from my school had passed away last night in an accident.
When I heard the news, guilt flooded me. I had never forgiven him, although he had genuinely tried to change. I had harbored resentment in my heart for some silly things he said and did in his childhood. I had never cut him some slack. I am sure he had probably not even realized how much he had hurt me. It is true that he didn’t know how I felt, but I still felt guilty. At that moment, I wished I had been big enough to let go of my hurt feelings and make peace with him in my heart. It was too late then.
Life went on, and several others have come and gone in my life. Most of them have given me fond memories. But a couple of them haven’t. They have given me a good deal of pain. This pain was not generated by childish ignorance; it was much more severe and serious.
It is said that wise men learn from others’ mistakes, fools scarcely from their own. I was foolish enough to commit the same mistake again and again. I did not forgive them for their mistakes. I resented them and boiled all over whenever I thought about them. My inability and unwillingness to forgive them was eating me alive.
The fact that I felt so strongly about them did not touch them in anyway. They went on with their lives. And I went on with mine, getting angry at the very thought of them, until I reached a point where I had a big revelation. I had been hurt and victimized by them in the past. But by holding on to the grudges, I am letting them hurt and victimize me even today. I was still giving them power to disturb my peace of mind.
When I realized that, I decided to forgive them in my heart. My forgiveness was not a conditional one, depending on whether they apologized or repented. My forgiveness was unconditional. It was just my way of saying that they did not have control over me anymore. I let it all go.
It was difficult, yet it is among the most fulfilling things I have ever done. By letting go of my hurt feelings and resentment, I not only released them, I had also released myself. I felt at that instant that I had grown as a person.
Mahatma Gandhi once said, the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. When we forgive someone unconditionally, we are freeing ourselves from the chain of bitterness and grief. We are taking back control over life, and proclaiming that we will not be victimized any longer. It is the best gift we can give ourselves.
To err is human, but to forgive – that is the divine way. Think of all the people who have wronged you, hurt you or abused you. Do not let them control your emotions any more. Do not let thoughts of the past chain you and ruin your peace of mind. Forgive. Forgive unconditionally.
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