Are you afraid?
Sometimes the most difficult step is the first one. We may know within the depths of our hearts what we need, and what we need to know in order to get there. Still, it can be unbelievably difficult to just get our feet wet and get things started!
The most important thing that holds us back is fear. Fear that we may not succeed. Fear that we may be ridiculed. Fear that we may not be accepted. Fear that it is too risky. Fear that we will be cast out. Fear that it won't work out. Fear that we are not good enough. Fear that we do not know enough. Fear that it will be too hurtful. Fear that we will be rejected. Fear to stand out. Fear of loneliness. Fear of failure. Fear of success.
When we succumb to our fears, we make the fears stronger. Our will suffers. Each time we yield to fear, it makes us more and more conditioned to be afraid. Soon, we almost forget that we are just afraid. We will start thinking that we can never really do it, and find ways to rationalize our fears, like, "Nobody else is doing it and they seem to be okay" or "It is too much work, and I am not that bad off really" or "I have too many commitments to take risks now" or "I don't have time for that" and so on.
So what happens? We never realise our potential. We always stick to the safe ground, never really spreading our wings and taking off. We stay at dead end jobs or lifeless relationships. We never step forward to speak in the public. We never dare to be different. And in the end, we live and mediocre life and leave behind a very mediocre legacy for the generations to come. We lose the golden opportunity given to us just to be alive, and we die leaving no proof that we ever lived. We die with regret at all the things we never did.
If you don't want that to happen to you, you have to realise that you need to change. You need to take stock of your fear. You need to ask yourself, "Is this what I want to do with my life? Is this where I want to be? Is this the legacy I am going to leave?" If you find yourself honestly answering a "No" to this, then you are ready to move forward. This is a huge step in your personality development. Now let us see how we can tackle the fear.
Tackling your fear
First of all, you need to admit to yourself that you are scared. There is no need to be ashamed of that. We have all been there, we will all be there again. We will all feel fear. As the quote goes, "Courage is not the absence of fear. It is being scared to death and still doing it anyway." So admit that you are scared. And then decide that you are going to do it anyway.
Once you have decided to take the leap, you need to prepare yourself for the change. You need to write down three things:
1. Where you are currently
2. Where you want to be
3. What you need to do in order to get there
If you need to learn a new skill, go ahead and learn it. Read about it, take a class about it, research it, write it down, talk about it to people who will listen (and not discourage you), think about it. Think of this as your second big step in reaching your goal (the first of course, being deciding to do it).
If you need to make connections, join a club. Or an online forum. Or a yahoo group or google group. Do a little digging and you find thousands of people out there who wants the same things as you do. Network with them, and share your experiences and wisdom. Learn, share, grow.
If you need to spare some time each day for your new goal, do it by all means. Think of it as the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Do not think of it as a chore - think of it as something you want to do. And you do want to do it, don't you? Remember, if you don't keep moving, you will never get anywhere.
One important thing you may want to remember is to take it one step at a time. It can be extremely scary to start a new business or leave a dead-end relationship or be a candidate in the elections or speak in front of a huge assembly of people or ask a girl out. You wouldn't want to tackle it head-on then - it will only cause you to lose confidence at the last moment, back off, and be more scared than before. After all, you have conditioned yourself to being scared, and it takes some serious undoing to let go of all that conditioning.
In this case, you would want to take it slow. Think of a very slight step towards your goal - talk to your friends or family about a topic, or start a low-risk side-business along with your day job, or say "no" to some less important yet abusive suggestion from your partner (or maybe just "I will think about it" if "No" scares you - and maybe a "no" only to one of the ten simultaneous demands made to you etc) or smile at the girl you like when nobody is around. Think about the smallest step towards your goal, that isn't too scary - and do it. Once it is done, you can try the next step, slightly bigger still nothing extraordinary, and so on. Slowly, you will weed out your fear conditioning, and start having the courage for the biggest, most grandiose ideas you may have.
Also, enlist the help of your logic, and reduce your risk as much as possible, especially towards the beginning stages of your journey. Recklessness is not equivalent to courage, you know. ;) But the things that your heart truly wants, those are worth fighting for. Once you have made necessary precautions to cover your risk, you can get rid of your perceived fears, and embark on a journey towards realising your goals. Remember, you are the one responsible for your life - not your parents, not your friends, not your family, not your boss, not your colleagues, not your spouse, not your circumstances. You are the only one who can take your life where you want it to be.
If you found this article helpful and have any comments/suggestions/questions, please use the form below to submit it to me. I would love to hear from you! Alternately, you may also use the Contact page or my blog to tell me about this article.
