Anger Management
Anger is one of the top issues faced by mankind as a whole today. An inability to control anger can cause serious damage in our family life, work life and social life. We also often feel guilty after our bursts of anger, leading to a reduced sense of self-esteem.
From our childhood, we need to learn how to manage our anger. But for many of us, this doesn't happen. Some of us are from violent households, or have parents who themselves had anger management issues. It may cause us to feel that it is okay to get angry. And for some of us, our parents might have let us get away with our angry moods in our childhood, which resulted in adjustment problems as an adult.
But whatever the reason, as an adult, it is important to take responsibility. As I always say, it is only when we take responsibility for our actions and behavior that we feel empowered to change them. It doesn't matter why we have an anger management issue, it is important that we need to get a grip on ourselves and tackle the issue once and for all.
When we bring our anger under control, we can experience a marked improvement in our interactions with others. We feel much more peaceful and in control. We will be respected more, and will be able to deal with any situation in a more calm and cool manner, and with better results. Let us discuss some techniques used in anger management.
Remember the situations
Think back into your life, and remember the situations where you flew off the handle. If anger is a daily occurrence for you, then think of the most recent events. Replay the scene in detail. What were you doing before you got angry? What happened that made you lose control? How did you react? As an empowered individual, how could you have handled the situation better? Answer all these questions honestly.
Identify the triggers
From the above step, you might have identified some specific events that triggered an angry response from you. What are those events? Write down all the triggers. Write down or think about those specific moments in each experience which made you angry. Think about what it is about that event that made you angry. Drill down and analyze the trigger. What thoughts went through your head as that event happened? How did you feel?
Identify the cause
When you complete the above step, you can start looking for any common patterns. Did you fly off the handle every time somebody lied to you? Or did you get angry whenever you felt that you were being avoided? Or did the anger stem as a desperate call for attention? Or does the current event bring back memories of an unresolved past event? Be true to yourself and identify the reason. Identify the underlying attitude or thought that makes you get angry. The help of a professional could come handy here.
Change the cause
Now is the time to do some attitudinal adjustment. Once you know the underlying cause of your anger, you can make a conscious change in that attitude. The exercise you did in the first step on how you could have reacted better would come handy here. If there is any past issue which needs resolving, perhaps you can allow yourself to forgive and heal the wound, for your own sake. If you need any major change in your outlook, be strong enough to do so. A professional can help you here too.
Know your body
Often, just before we burst out in anger, our body would give us warning signals of upcoming anger. Some of us grind our teeth, some clench their fists, some actually feel anger rising up from their feet, some literally see red, most feel a changed breathing pattern - identifying these body signals can really help us pinpoint when we are about to get angry. And when we do, we can consciously choose to not let anger blind us, and use our rationale to guide us.
Find other ways to release your feelings
Sometimes, all the adrenaline rush of getting angry can give us a sense of excitement and even happiness. But that is very temporary and will very soon be replaced with feelings of guilt. It is important to find other ways to release all the energy that builds up in us just before getting angry. We would need to consciously calm ourselves, take deep breaths and stop ourselves from getting angry. And later, we should find some way to release all the pent up energy. Some do it by working out, some by doing yard work, some by swimming - find your way and use it.
These techniques can give you some guide posts in your quest to control anger. If your anger has become a serious issue, always seek the help of a professional. Being ready to realize and accept there is an issue is a sign of strength, not weakness.
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