7 tips to deal with criticism
We have all had our share of criticism. And most of us cannot take criticism well. We may often find ourselves getting defensive, angry and/or grieved. It usually does more damage than good.
But as positive, growth-oriented and intelligent human beings, we can learn to deal with criticism effectively. We can in fact learn to deal with it so effectively, that each critical comment significantly contributes to our self improvement and personality development.
Here, let me share 7 tips that help you deal with criticism better.
1. Delay your reaction
The very first thing to do when faced with criticism is to delay your reaction. If we react immediately, we often get defensive or angry, and say things we regret later on. In the split second between hearing the criticism and giving the response, it is not our cool rationale that is at work - it is hot-headed emotion. If you react strongly and immediately, it gives out an impression of a weak personality. In stead, delay your reaction. Take a moment to cool off.
2. Breathe
When we receive or recall criticism our breathing pattern changes. If we are to deal with criticism effectively, we have to change our breathing. We must take deep, full breaths. It helps to relax us and let us see things from a more composed point of view.
3. Don't get personal
It is often difficult to separate the critic from the criticism. Sometimes, our natural instinct is to combine the critic and the criticism and read them together. When we do this, we tend to make conclusions like, "oh, what he said doesn't matter, he is always finding faults" or "oh my, if he thinks so then it must be true." Take a moment to forget who made the critical comment and focus on the critical words alone. This has two benefits - (1) it helps us make a more rational reaction, and (2) it helps us to react by attacking the comment only and not the commenter.
4. Rephrase the criticism
When someone delivers a criticism, it may be colored by their tone, phrasing, facial expressions etc. In our mind, we can learn to rephrase the criticism in the best possible positive light; for example "you will never become a good cook" can be rephrased to "you must devote more time to cooking". When we do this exercise, we can see how much truth the comment had in it. If it rings true, then you can consider it a positive feedback and be grateful for it. You can now use it for your self-improvement.
5. Ignore
If the comment appears totally unwarranted and you know it is not true, then do not waste your energy by worrying about it. Let it go. Forgive the comment, and write it off to the critic's ignorance or incorrect perception. If you really feel it is worth it, you can take a moment to defend your work politely and assertively.
6. Someone cares
Remember that criticism often stems from a genuine interest in your well-being. When our family members or friends criticize us, it is not because they don't want you to do well - it is because they really want to see you get better. They may not be adept at phrasing it well, but we can learn to forgive that in view of the intent, can't we? So we can learn to be thankful for people who care enough about us that they are willing to tell us the truth.
7. You have potential
Nobody throws stones at trees that do not bear fruit. Be thankful that you are criticized - it often means that they haven't given up on you. It shows that we have potential to be better. We can learn a lot from critical feedback and use it for our personal growth.
With practice and patience, we can learn to use these tips and deal with criticism much more effectively. Being able to take critical comments coolly is in itself a sign of a strong personality.
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