12 Proven ways to boost your Self-Confidence
Self-confidence is probably one of the biggest gifts you can ever give yourself. Why? Because people like confident people. People trust confident people. People are attracted to confident people. Confident people get things done. Confident people don't let their fears stop them. Confident people do not blame themselves or others beyond a limit when things go wrong. Confident people are naturally assertive. Confident people make the best of the opportunities presented to them. Confident people may feel scared but do it anyway, trusting that either then win or they learn something. Confident people do not need to bully their way through life - they respect themselves and others.
If you have constantly find yourself unable to grab the opportunities life presents you, or live the life you want to live, or make difficult choices, or believe in your own abilities, or if you need everyone's (or maybe just someone's) approval for everything you do, or hide your true self for fear of ridicule or rejection, or live a life that is much below your potential - then this article is for you. It will help boost your self-confidence more than you ever thought possible.
Have you ever noticed little children? They are naturally curious, display their true selves, explore the world arround them and do what they want to do, despite whether the other kids do it or not. That is our natural state of fearlessness and confidence.Then this natural confidence gets curbed through negative upbringing, peer pressure, skewed view of society and/or a thousand other reasons.
The result? We withdraw our wings and pretend we never had them. We follow the sheep and never venture out alone. We succumb our desires and aspirations due to fear of rejection and ridicule. We start believing that everyone else in the world is out to judge us.
Is that how you want to live for the rest of your life? If not, let us examine some cold, hard facts.
1. If you follow everyone else, you will end up like everyone else.
2. If you do the same old things, we will have the same old life.
3. Everyone gets ridiculed and/or rejected at some point of their lives. Nobody except themselves keeps a record of it.
4. Everyone is busy thinking about their own life, and nobody with any amount of respectability employs themselves full-time on judging you.
5. Even if someone occassionally judges / ridicules / rejects you, it is still not the end of the world. You don't have to win everyone's approval.
6. People's opinions change. The very people who ridicule your failure will embrace you when you succeed.
7. You just need to get up one more time than you get knocked down.
8. Confidence does not come from never failing. It comes from knowing that you can always get back up even if you get grounded and squashed to pulp.
9. If you don't have faith in yourself, no one else would have faith in you either.
10. In our death-bed, we wouldn't regret the things we did - we regret those we didn't do.
Now that you have the right mindset, let us examine the 12 proven ways to boost our self-confidence.
1. Watch what you tell yourself. I have read somewhere that "it doesn't matter what others tell you. It is what you tell yourself after the others have finished talking, that matters." Once you fail at something, you may tell yourself "Oh, I lost, as usual. I was so stupid to try this in the first place. They always said I wouldn't make it anyway. Well, they are right, and I sure am not trying this again!" . Or you can tell yoursef, "So it didn't work out this time. Still I was one brave fellow to go after my own heart despite what others said! And next time those people better watch out for me, coz I am gonna come back doubly prepared!" Which one do you think would help your confidence?
2. Keep a Book of Success. Click here to learn how. It will motivate you and help to keep your confidence level high.
3. Record the reasons to honor yourself. Do the following exercise regularly. Take a piece of paper and write down 10 things you did in the recent past, ideally that very day, that you should be respected for. It could be really simple things, or really big this. Your entries could read like "I should be respected for being brave enough to ask her out even though there was a good chance she would turn me down" or "for taking it well when she did turn me down" or "for seeking to improve my confidence by doing this exercise" or "for not letting my friend's negativity get to me" or "for staying clear of drugs" or "for being healthy" or "for having the courage to ask someone out again if I feel like it" or "for getting an idea that could generate extra income for me if implemented" or "for resisting that extra cheese burger" etc. Know that not everyone would have had the courage to do each of these, and that you are a strong fellow to be able to do it.
4. Push your limits a bit each day - or at the very least each week. Decide upon an area to work on each day /week. It could be anything like relationships, public speaking, career-change etc. Then find your comfort zone in it. For example you may find that you are so afraid of public speaking that you avoid it all costs. But you can see that, if you look very closely, you have no problem speaking your mind in front of your family or your closest friends. Now figure out what is lying just outside your comfort zone. If you can only speak confidently in front of your family, then opening yourself up in front of 20,000 people the next morning wouldn't be your cup of tea. But speaking in front of close friends about something that you know more about than they do, would be a reasonable target. If you are looking for a career change, taking up a part time job besides your day job may be a reasonable first step for you. Once you have found what lies just outside your comfort zone, you can go ahead and do that. You would feel scared, but that is okay. Courage is about being scared to death and yet doing it anyway. Since the action is just beyond your comfort zone, you will probably be able to summon enough courage to do it. Go ahead and do it. If it seems too scary, then break it down further. Try speaking in front of your one absolute best friend about something you know more than s/he does. Once you achieve this, you can see that your comfort zone has just been pushed. Now you are more confident than before and the next activity you take up could be a bit outside this new comfort zone. You need to transition your mind from "failure/low self-esteem/fear" mode to "success/more self-esteem/courage" mode slowly and methodically. This really works!
5. Get in shape. A good physique can do miracles for your self-esteem. Thousands of over-weight people have reported life-changing boost in confidence by just shedding that extra weight. Maintain a good posture. Read up on body language and change yours as needed. Have a great hand-shake.
6. Personal grooming is very important. Looking good automatically makes you feel good. Always be well-groomed, and look professional. Power-dressing is your friend in office and during interviews. If you go out, go out looking your best. Take care about what you wear, whether your nails are cut, how you smell and how your hair looks. You don't have to be a supermodel but you can be someone with fresh breath, clean toenails and ironed clothing. This will help boost your self-image and the way others see you. Anyway, how many shabbily- dressed, poorly-groomed people have you seen that have attained incredible success in their lives?
7. Ask help from the Higher Power. If you are the religious kind, seek help from the Divine to help you do your best. If you are spiritual, remember to draw power from the force that unites us all. Meditation, prayers etc help to quiet the mind and helps us focus on the task at hand.
8. Remember the bigger picture always. It is okay to fail, as long as you get right back up. Remember that most of the things that scare us to death when we think about it have no lasting long-term effect on our lives at all. So what if you stumbled or stammered or got ridiculed when you delivered the speech? You are more on your way to becoming a great speaker than the listeners who comfort themselves by laughing at you even though they cannot bring themselves to come on stage or face their fears.
9. Cast your woes and worries away. Write them down in paper, and let the paper hold their weight. You may tear the paper up or burn it as a symbolical gesture. Free your mind of consuming fears and unnecessary worries. You may want to read about the ways to tackle your fear. Remember that beyond a point necessary for survival, worry is pointless.
10. Join support groups. If you are scared of public speaking, join Toastmasters. Join or create local groups to work towards overcoming your fears. Join online forums where people who have similar ambitions join together to motivate and guide each other. Listen to motivating and inspiring CDs, read inspiring articles. There is always someone or some book out there to help you!
11. Prepare well, educate yourself. Nothing helps us to feel confident more than sufficient preparation. Give it your best shot, be sincere in your preparation and let the rest take care of itself. Be performance-oriented rather than outcome-driven. Always make sure you are really ready before you face the task at hand. Learn what you need to learn. Remember that you shouldn't be so obsessive about the learning part that you never feel satisfied with your knowledge and hence never actually get around to putting it to practice.
12. Tackle guilt. If you have consuming feelings of guilt about something, then write it down. Remember that we all have slipped up and there is no-one who has never messed anything up in their lives. Below each point that makes you feel guilty, write three reasons why you shouldn't feel guilty about it. And below that write down one or two ways you can make it up even a little bit - sometimes this just involves forgiving yourself and resolving to never make the same mistake again. And then write down ways to ensure you never make the same mistakes again. And then, write down that you are forgiving yourself, now matter how big you think your mistake was. Accept it as a learning process, move on. Don't live your life in an abyss of self-loathing, never learning the lessons and never moving on. Free yourself of your past baggage, and remember that everyone has a right to make mistakes, learn lessons and move on with their lives. Don't burn the wings that would take you to the skies, just because you fell down a couple of times.
If you put genuine attempt into boosting your confidence and outlook, the results will astound you and exceed your wildest desires. So do yourself a favor, and start trusting yourself! :)
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